Ok so, I go to a lot of Starbucks a lot and I had noticed this trend where they have two tip jars, or whatever a jar's called when it's plastic and square. (Speaking of square, who orders oatmeal at Starbucks? Gross people, that's who. Note to self: Come out with line of clothes for girls who like oatmeal. Call it Lumpy.) Like one squ-jar will say "Lakers" and one will say "Clippers", so if you like basketball you put a dollar in "Lakers" and if you like haircuts, "Clippers." I saw ones that said "Usher" or "Justin Timberlake," so you can tip based on whether you like black people or white people better. BELIEB ME (hint?), the guilt at Starbucks is whiter than their delicious mochas so the "Usher" jar is as full with money as women are with his babies. ZING!
Anypoop, today when I went in to get my Trente Iced Breve (breve is Starbucks for half-and-half), they had MY NAME on one of the jars!!! The other one said "Carrie Underwood" (I don't know who that is, but by the sound of it I think she probably eats a lot of oatmeal.) The jars where almost the same amount of filledness so I emptied my purse into the "Jessica Simpson" one. Then it was really overflowing, but not just with money. With lipstick, Luna bars, and hair extensions. Turns out when they get full, the help empties them so people will feel bad and fill them up some more. That's when I got a great idea for gorilla marketing. Now, this is just a phrase I've heard so I assume it means you market yourself somewhere uncivilized, like the jungle, or in this case, Starbucks. So I had Assistant go in and keep filling up the ME jar. That way people will see it and be like, "Someone's getting popular again!" (I didn't want people to think it was rigged, so every time she went in I made her put on a different outfit from my collection and when we ran out of those, I made her put on fake mustaches.) Since then, eight people have downloaded my Christmas album, which is CRAZY because it's June. And ten people have bought my shoes, if each person only bought one shoe. (Although, I recommend getting two! One for you and one for a friend. These are "coffee" colored. Whaaaat? So perfect. )
So now I'm going to GORILLA MARKET anywhere I can. Keep posted for more because when I'm back on top you can say, "I knew her when she was filling up a tip jar at Starbucks to feel better about herself."
Anypoop, today when I went in to get my Trente Iced Breve (breve is Starbucks for half-and-half), they had MY NAME on one of the jars!!! The other one said "Carrie Underwood" (I don't know who that is, but by the sound of it I think she probably eats a lot of oatmeal.) The jars where almost the same amount of filledness so I emptied my purse into the "Jessica Simpson" one. Then it was really overflowing, but not just with money. With lipstick, Luna bars, and hair extensions. Turns out when they get full, the help empties them so people will feel bad and fill them up some more. That's when I got a great idea for gorilla marketing. Now, this is just a phrase I've heard so I assume it means you market yourself somewhere uncivilized, like the jungle, or in this case, Starbucks. So I had Assistant go in and keep filling up the ME jar. That way people will see it and be like, "Someone's getting popular again!" (I didn't want people to think it was rigged, so every time she went in I made her put on a different outfit from my collection and when we ran out of those, I made her put on fake mustaches.) Since then, eight people have downloaded my Christmas album, which is CRAZY because it's June. And ten people have bought my shoes, if each person only bought one shoe. (Although, I recommend getting two! One for you and one for a friend. These are "coffee" colored. Whaaaat? So perfect. )
So now I'm going to GORILLA MARKET anywhere I can. Keep posted for more because when I'm back on top you can say, "I knew her when she was filling up a tip jar at Starbucks to feel better about herself."
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