Ok, so as you all know, last week I came out with a new perfume called "Vintage Bloom." It smells like a bowl of fruit on the moon. And it's a good thing it came out when it did because several other celebrities were about to drop very similarly named fragrances. Here's what I beat by a hair extension:
Orlando Bloom's "Vintage Bloom"- A spicy bouquet of pirates, elves, and nothing else that's remotely good or memorable.
Mayor Bloomberg's "Vintage Bloom"- Smells like someone's taking my sweet, sweet soda away.
Judy Blume's "Vintage Blume"- It's as though someone just opened up a hope chest full of mildewed copies of "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" that someone took a Superfudge in.
Dick Van Dyke's "Vintage Broom"- A musky mix of mustache and soot.
Don't tell anyone, but my new PARFUM is just
and mixed together. And the only thing that's vintage about that picture is ME!
OK, so buy some y'all!
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